Lisa

5 Reasons to Find Your Why

November 30, 2014 By Lisa

Do you ever feel ungrounded in your work?

Studies indicate more than 80% of the US population are unhappy in their jobs. Many people go through the motions every day without a sense of higher purpose or direction. They struggle with defining their cause and pinpointing their inner motivations.

If you find yourself nodding in agreement, then chances are you haven’t identified your Why. Many people get a glimpse of their Why momentarily, only for it to disappear into the abyss as the changes and challenges of life take center stage.

Before I immersed myself into my coaching practice, I had a nagging feeling that something was missing in both my career and my life. I was accomplished, but never relished my achievements. I lacked deep satisfaction and was always on a quest for the next thing.

Finding my Why has done more for my personal and professional development than any other training, book, or coaching approach I’ve tried.

The people I work with tend to agree. The day after one client found her Why, she wrote, “This morning, I woke up feeling more whole and complete than I can ever remember.”

Who doesn’t want to feel like that?

Here are 5 more reasons it’s important to Find Your Why:

 1. It grounds you in who you are and who you are becoming.

Finding Your Why allows you to see the choices you’ve made throughout your life in a new light. You can see the big picture. You not only gain perspective on your strengths and weaknesses but also how they’ve played out and made you who you are today.

A client shared:

I had no idea how much this work would amp up my self-love. And talk about seeing everything through a light of love–it transformed some of my old stories like I never imagined possible. I feel like I have a whole new relationship with myself.

2. It gives you the power and authority to lead your life knowing what you stand for.

When you uncover your Why, your inner motivations will be revealed. This allows you to stand up for what you believe in from a position of strength, knowing exactly who you are and what you believe.

One client struggling with whether to take a huge promotion with increased leadership responsibility shared, “Finding my Why was an essential part of building the confidence I needed to take that leap and pursue the next steps in my career; I was amazed at how much easier everything came into play once I was clear.”

3. You become a more effective communicator and leader.

When you talk about your Why, people who share your beliefs will be drawn to you.

Like a politician that can’t drum up enough support for their cause—if you can’t communicate why you are doing what you’re doing, it’s hard for people to support you.

Contrast this with someone who inspires you to grow. They’ve likely shared their convictions with you and you believe in their cause.

4. It helps you build resiliency in times of change.

When you are deeply connected to who you are and understand why you do the things you do, you can take a step back in stressful conditions and gain perspective before acting.
By accepting and honoring your weaknesses and leading with your strengths, you radiate authenticity and are less likely to be drawn into battle with colleagues, friends, and family. Through awareness, you gain objectivity and reduce reactivity.

5. It gives you direction and clarity in decision-making.

When you know what is important to you and why, you have a solid foundation for making decisions. You are able to start each day doing what you love and what you want to do because the decisions you make –where you spend your time, energy and money, and the way you work—are all aligned with your Why and the conditions in which you thrive.

In short, your Why is what drives you, gives you energy and deeper satisfaction. It’s ultimately your reason for being that gives you direction and serves as a guiding light allowing you to be all you can be.

7 Ways the Enneagram Can Rock Your World

November 29, 2014 By Lisa

The Enneagram is the most powerful personal and professional development tool I have ever used to examine core motivations and understand why we do the things we do.

Having worked extensively with the Enneagram for the past few years and trained with Ginger Lapid-Bogda, a world leader in using the Enneagram in the workplace, I’m excited to share my passion with you.

Here are 7 ways the Enneagram can rock your world:

1. It accelerates your personal growth. 
Learning about the patterns of your type helps you see the big picture of who you are: the qualities that energize you and make you great as well as your blind spots and the subconscious triggers that hold you back.  By shining a spotlight on the patterns of behavior that lurk below the surface, you’re able to pinpoint the ones that are distracting you and focus on the patterns that lead to your success and voila – your potential for growth is limitless.

 2. It provides a strong foundation for strategic decision-making.
When you understand your type and your core motivations and intrinsic drivers to what you want, you can make better choices.

3. It helps you build stronger relationships. 
First and foremost, the Enneagram helps you improve the relationship you have with yourself but also with friends, family, colleagues, bosses, and clients.

Knowledge of the Enneagram helps you understand how others filter information differently than you, providing insight, objectivity, and compassion for those most important to you so you can draw out their strengths and cut them slack in areas that trigger them.

4. It improves your communication skills.
Knowing your type helps you understand the way you are perceived with laser-like precision. You gain insight into how you influence others. Working with this information helps you adjust your communication style to your audience and increase your circle of influence.

5. It helps you become a more effective leader. 
Effective leadership starts with understanding the big picture of who you are – leading with your strengths as well as being aware of how you get derailed so you can develop a more authentic leadership style.

The Enneagram also helps you understand the different needs of your people, to identify their strengths as well as the areas in which they need to develop, so you can empower them, stretch their performance, and help them grow.

6. It helps you handle change with finesse.
Life is full of change. With change can come anxiety and the emergence of our worst personality traits.

The Enneagram gives us insight into each type’s defense mechanisms so you can better anticipate the reactions of others and communicate approaches based on different needs.

7. It provides perspective. 
The most beautiful thing about the Enneagram is that you gain perspective into why you do things, so you can depersonalize situations and develop strategic approaches for the way you think and interact with people who think and act differently than you do, developing an appreciation for their perspectives.

Great Leadership Starts with One Step

November 28, 2014 By Lisa

Have you ever felt an incredible desire to change something at work or in your personal life but backed down because it just seemed too hard?

Some of my biggest regrets were times I retreated from taking on increasing levels of responsibility in leadership roles, usually turning them down because I didn’t feel like I had the skills, the backing, the time or the energy.

I guess that’s why the movie, “The Help” strikes a chord within me. Each time I’ve seen it, I feel more inspired and uplifted by the messages of courage and transformation.

Set in Jackson, Mississippi during the Civil Right’s Movement, the story revolves around a very strong and resilient group of women who fight the status quo of the domestic servitude, the culture they were born into.

The character that resonates with me the most is Abileen, a black maid who belongs to a long line of women who’ve raised dozens of children born to repressive white socialites. She teaches these children the values of appreciation, respect and unconditional love, virtues that are not reciprocated by the families she serves.

Abileen desperately wants to speak up against the manipulation, intimidation and abuse she and her community have endured, especially after her 24-year-old son dies as a result of negligence at the hands of her oppressors. But she hesitates. She pushes down her desire to take initiative for fear of repercussions.

Abileen is what I call a reluctant leader.

When Skeeter, an aspiring journalist and rebellious white socialite approaches her to tell her story, at first Abileen won’t even consider it. She fears speaking out against the people she and her family have been working for generations. She’s afraid of what they might do.

But most importantly, she’s afraid no one will be listen. She’s been treated as if she were invisible all her life.

When she does start writing and sharing her stories, she finds she has a voice and powerful lessons to share too. She starts talking with her community, women who have supported each other in hardship and celebration. She has conviction and inspires them. They want to join her too.

They want to expose the travesties they have endured at the hands of their oppressors — exposing them for who they are. They want to be heard.

Without even realizing, Abileen becomes the leader within her community by taking the first step to share her stories. She then empowers them by creating the vehicle to join forces and speak up for what they know is right.

Together, they create a movement that has power and energy to change not only the way they are treated but the way others around the country are treated too.

In this clip, Abileen is seen owning her voice as a writer and standing up to the lead antagonist in the movie and her manipulative tactics.

As Abileen’s preacher says, “Courage isn’t just about being brave. It’s about overcoming fear and daring to do what is right for your fellow man.”

This is how reluctant leaders change the world.

It starts with the willingness to stand up for what you believe and know is right for you, your people, your community, your followers.

How about you? What’s your first step?

The Courage to Be Creative

November 27, 2014 By Lisa

If you’d like an infusion of fun innovative energy and to create unabashedly, take 10 minutes to check out this series of videos, guaranteed to draw you in and make you smile.

The first video was created by Harvard University’s Baseball Team doing their rendition of Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen. Their parody spurred a movement among college baseball teams and other club sport across the country to create their own renditions.

The second video was created by Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez and friends. The homemade feel and their willingness to make this song their own is refreshing. For a group of performers who are used to major productions and very aware of their public image, it’s freeing to see them let loose and have fun.

The last video, by the original artist, brings us back to a time of innocence and freedom. It showcases the vulnerability and intensity of emotion felt with high school crushes almost like the validation we so often look for when embarking on a new path or starting something new.

What I love about these parodies is the energy you feel watching these kids come together to creatively express themselves and make it their own. The videos are fun, upbeat, collaborative and automatically draw you in.

Think back now, can you say the same about the last project you initiated?

Their courage to be seen and willingness to drop the need to create a polished image and perfect their execution provides us with inspiration to:

Be more creative in our work
Overcome fears of taking risks
Experiment with new modalities
Collaborate with others in new ways
Lighten up and have some fun

Whether you are leading an initiative, embarking on a new career path, starting new work or invigorating an established project, I encourage you to think of these kids and employ some of their strategies.

I guarantee people will be drawn to your energy, readiness to stretch and put yourself out there.

Addendum: check out this one!

Lessons Learned from a Pointed Finger

November 26, 2014 By Lisa

Have you ever had someone point their finger at you with such vengeance and hostility that you immediately felt like recoiling?

This happened to me a few years ago at an executive roundtable – the lessons I learned were invaluable.

After focusing on launching my business, I decided I wanted to branch out and expand my local networking circles. Since I’m a connector, have a strong business background and love to brainstorm, joining a local mastermind seemed like a natural fit.

As part of most roundtables, a good chunk of time is spent with each person sharing a particular issue then benefiting from the wisdom of the crowd through their insights, resources, ideas and suggestions.

The dilemma I shared involved having fear about launching new program that would require a significant investment of time, money and resources without having fully established my business yet.

True to form as part of this exercise, the group set to task and spent a few minutes brainstorming on paper what they would recommend and then went around the table sharing their most valuable insights. The first person to report back to me was a woman who had been clearly agitated and confrontational from the beginning of the meeting.

She pointed her finger at me and said, “SHAME on you for making it about the numbers,” following it up by saying, “you should be ASHAMED.”

Hun? What? Immediately, the facilitator intervened and asked her to refrain from such accusations to which she threatened to leave.

I was taken back. It’s not at all what I was expecting and I was stunned by her intensity.

I hit a nerve in this woman and she pounced on me like a saber tooth tiger projected her fears of shame on me.

Had this happened a couple of years ago, I would have either immediately gotten defensive and said “screw you” OR more than likely absorbed her anger by retreating internally, only to question, what did I do to deserve this?

But having invested substantial time in developing deeper levels of self awareness and self management, I’ve learned to shift perspective on the fly, this time I chose to take a deep breath and check in.

“Do I feel SHAME for having fear about launching something big?”

Nope, not really. As a matter of fact, it took a lot of guts to honor what I was feeling and share a fear with a group I didn’t know. This was clearly her issue not mine.

Then I got curious. I wanted to know what she had to say. I listened. She had a decent point — don’t play small, shoot for your dreams, don’t wait to take risk. I get it, but her caustic delivery eroded any empowerment in that message.

Some might consider not reacting a sign of weakness – why wouldn’t I stand up for myself and fight back. However, I consider it to be a great sign of accomplishment. A huge part of being true to who you are is not taking on what doesn’t belong to you.

Consider for a moment a time you’ve been humming along, feeling just fine, then you had a conversation with someone that left you feeling awful, pissed off, or helpless. It’s a natural tendency to want to hurl back an insult or stew on the internalized negativity. But those are both forms of taking on the other people’s stuff.

What I did was refrain from immediate reaction, gain some mental distance from her insult and looked at what she said objectively. It takes practice and restraint not to react, but I promise you it’s well worth it. The secret to success is being clear on who I am and how I feel. Do I fear uncertainty? You betcha! But shame, no, that’s not mine.

After the meeting, a couple people approached me and said they didn’t think they could have handled that situation so gracefully and wouldn’t have known how to react. I was quick to point out (no pun intended), the advice she was giving me, is most likely the advice she needed to follow herself. I saw this woman’s outburst as a cry for help. It was so clear to me that she was struggling with her own stuff.

While my heart truly went out for her suffering, no one should ever be shamed, especially not for expressing fear and taking on other people’s dark cloud doesn’t help anyone.

A quick Google search reveals the opposite of shame is honor and respect and this is my greatest lesson. I have learned to honor the integrity of my emotions, energy and time and respecting myself by not reacting to other people’s stuff and to me, it doesn’t get anymore powerful than that.

So I encourage you, the next time you find yourself on the receiving end of someone’s accusation, anger, frustration or shame — before you react, take a deep breath and ask yourself, is this my issue and respect what you hear? Is there anything to be gleaned from what is being said? Then take what’s helpful and relevant and leave the rest behind.

And remember when someone points a finger at you, there are 3 fingers pointing back.

How Hummingbirds Teach us to Transcend Time

November 25, 2014 By Lisa

My fascination with this little creature started almost a decade ago when a ruby throated hummingbird appeared outside my window.

It was the day I learned my brother had passed away, very unexpectedly.

My brother was a very special guy who left this world having lived his life doing exactly what he loved to do, the way he wanted to do it! He was a Renaissance man with many talents, having an incredible zest for pursuing his interests with passion, intensity and dedication.

While after all this time, I still miss him, we were very close, I also take great solace knowing he dared to live his life doing what he wanted, living his life to the fullest. A concept that has become a mantra in my work and my life.

You may wonder what’s the connection between my brother and the hummingbird?

For starters, I don’t believe it was coincidental that the hummingbird continued to appear outside my window for the next couple of years on my brother’s birthday and the anniversary of his passing, then stopped visiting after I learned to integrate it’s message.

Because of the infrequent visits, when the hummingbird did appear, I would stop whatever I was doing and savor the beauty of its movement as it flitted from flower to flower.

I was fascinated by the bird’s unique flight pattern. It hovers then flies backwards as well as sideways and forwards, forming the shape of infinity, a symbol for eternity, rebirth, renewal, empowerment and every lasting love!

Upon reflection, I believe both my brother’s and the hummingbird’s message was to show me the way to transcend time by recognizing what has happened in the past and what might happen in the future are not nearly as important as what I am experiencing right now.

At the time of the bird’s first visit, I was constantly running from one activity, project, phone call or event to another. I had taken on a new leadership role and was feeling unsteady. Savoring the beauty of ordinary moments was out of the question. I was burnt out, full of worry about trying to prove myself, trying to be perfect, doubting my performance and subject to the constant barrage of the inner critic swirling around in my head.

Instead of taking time to slow down and explore my challenges, I buried myself in busyness. Like the proverbial energizer bunny, I kept going and going and going! But these moments of watching the hummingbird drew me in, I learned what it meant to fly backwards, hover, swing to the side and then move on.

When we fly backwards — reliving moments from our childhood, relationships, dramas of the day, yesterday, last week or even 2 years ago — it holds us back.

The hummingbird taught me not to get stuck in the past, lost in regret or long for the what was but instead use these experiences for purposes of understanding how they shaped who I am today.

By learning to step aside (fly sideways) and become the observer of my thinking and my challenges, it allowed me to see my life and fears from different perspectives and how the experiences leading up to that point in my life made me stronger.

Ultimately, I’ve been apprenticing for my role as coach and entrepreneur my entire career. I just needed to create a little space to see the common threads by viewing my experiences from different angles.

I also learned to lighten up and hover in the moment instead of rushing to the next thing. When you take time to explore your doubts, fears and even the mysterious unknown, you realize it’s never as bad your mind has made it out to be.

By learning to not to dwell on the past, fear the future and hover in the present, I learned to appreciate the sweet nectar of life.

The last and most important message my brother and the hummingbird taught me was to cherish what is and not what was.

Even though my brother has moved on, his spirit will remain in my heart forever or as Buzz Lightyear would say –“to infinity and beyond!”

The Enneagram In Action – the Wonder of Perspective

November 24, 2014 By Lisa

The Enneagram ~ original work in porcelain by Andrea Sinclair, artist

If you’d like to gain perspective on your strengths and challenges, try the Enneagram.
The Enneagram is a personality system and learning tool that helps us understand how we view reality and why we do what we do by highlighting nine distinct ways that people think, behave, and filter information.

Once you identify your type, you gain a deeper understanding of your intrinsic drivers and motivations, teaching you to lead with the ones that strengthen you and modify the ones that derail you.

Here is a snapshot of the common drivers and worldviews for each of the nine types:

1s are driven by doing the right thing and improving themselves and their environments.
2s thrive on connecting and often define themselves through service to others.
3s are driven to achieve, measuring their value by what they are able to accomplish.
4s thrive on meaning and purpose and feel most alive when they authentically express their personal experiences and feelings.
5s thirst for knowledge and seek to conserve their energy, time, and resources.
6s seek security, driven to anticipate worst-case scenarios so they feel prepared for whatever might come their way.
7s thrive on the stimulation of new ideas, people and places, seeing a world full of possibilities — compelled to keep their options open.
8s seek power, action and truth, striving to keep things under control while minimizing their weaknesses.
9s seek harmony and peace, avoid conflict, ease tension, and promote positive mutual regard.

The easiest way to understand these worldviews is to see them in action.

For example, let’s explore how each of the types might select a book from the library about developing communication skills.  

An Enneagram type 1 is motivated to perfect themselves and their environment, so they would look for a book about “rules of thumb” and standards from credible and validated sources of information.

Because a type 2 is driven to connect with others, they might look for a book that explores the interpersonal dynamics of communication and how to bring out the best in others. They’d also want to find resources they can give to their peers to help them improve their communication.

A type 3 would have a goal before even stepping foot in the library. They would have researched several different approaches to improving communication and select a book that can help them achieve their goals as efficiently as possible. They may have already made sure the book is in stock and reserved it so they can get in and get out of the library and start digging in.

A type 4 will look for innovative approaches to improving communication that stand out from all the others. Because 4’s are driven for meaning and purpose, they’ll look for books that have depth in content and possibly personal narratives that showcase how the author has improved their own communication skills.

A 5 will search for experts with a great depth of understanding, who provide the theory behind communication development, based in logic and rational thinking. As ardent fact finders, they may want several books so they can become an expert in their own quest for understanding.

A 6 will search for authors who are trustworthy and make sure there are no hidden agendas, such as books aimed to get the reader to buy expensive communication development tools. They might read what others have written about the book to validate credibility and authenticity of the author’s work. 6s will also want the author to explore different scenarios to apply communication approaches so they understand the full range of application and outcomes.

A 7 will enter the library and likely pick out several books on different topics that may be unrelated to communication, knowing they have the ability to connect the dots and come up with creative approaches that will inspire others to improve their communication skills.

An 8 will gravitate to authors who write with authority and provide the big picture. 8s want to find resources that help them get a better handle on communicating so they can maintain their powerful presence.

A 9 will select books that provide communication skills and exercises that are easy to relate to and appeal to many different perspectives. They’d be attracted to authors who are fair-minded and have every intention of fostering community and connection through improving communication.

Although the task is the same, the motivations behind each person’s quest differ depending on their worldview and the way they filter information.

At this point, you may be resonating with one of the types and finding all this information intriguing, but be wondering: what is the practical application?

I firmly believe that the more you understand why you do what you do and how you best contribute, the better you are able to communicate this to others and seek ways to align what you to do to your strengths and what lights you up.

The Enneagram helps you develop a greater awareness of who you are, so you can make strategic choices that lead to greater satisfaction.

To learn more about discovering your Enneagram type, click here.

The Missing Link to Deep Satisfaction

November 23, 2014 By Lisa

Do you ever feel like something is missing in your life but you can’t put your finger on it?

For most of my career, I felt disconnected in one way or another from what I was doing.

I had excellent roles and career opportunities, worked with great leaders and committed myself to efforts that helped many people. There was no doubt in my mind, I was engaged in rewarding work. But regardless of how successful I was, I still felt there was something missing.

Being passionate has never been my problem.

When assigned to a project or engagement, I would dive head first into it. I would go after my goal with determination and drive, only to finish with a feeling of apathy or indifference — saying to myself “ok, what’s next.”

No matter how much recognition and respect, money, promotions or accolades I received, once the engagement was over, the feeling of internal satisfaction and contentment eluded me.

I lacked internal purpose and direction.

Over the years, I’ve spent an enormous amount of time, energy and money searching for “the” book, blog, magazine or course on leadership, self development and career directions that would give me the answer to the questions I was searching for — how can I gain greater satisfaction and what should I be doing?

I read books on following your passion, becoming more creative, how to be an effective leader, how to achieve greater satisfaction in your day, how to connect with your true self and on and on. I followed cutting edge research on brain science, psychology, motivation and behavior. I took just about every type of career assessment out there — personality, strengths, skills, interests and aptitudes, got those down!

But even with all this knowledge, I was coming up short. This lack of internal direction was making me feel like there was something was wrong with me!

And not so surprisingly, I’m not alone. People spend BILLIONS of dollars on career and self development products every year!

So why does internal purpose and direction remain elusive for so many people?

The answer is in the question. Your internal purpose or your “WHY” — what you stand for, ultimately your reason for being — is internally directed. Yet, many of us consistently look outside ourselves for the answer. We secretly want someone to take us under their wing, validate what we’re doing, tell us we’re making the right decisions.

The first major reason is really not our fault, we’re socialized to look externally.

From the way we are raised and educated to the way we are incentivized in the companies we work for, most people focus on external validation and recognition. We want rewards and praise yet if we don’t understand how our work is related to what internally drives us, we loose motivation and direction. For more on this topic, Dan Pink, author of Drive, does a fantastic job describing the issues with working for incentives vs. purpose in this TED talk.

The second major reason internal purpose baffles us is due to the way the brain processes feelings.

We have difficulty pinpointing our “WHY” because the part of the brain that processes emotion doesn’t control language. We have an intuitive sense of what our “WHY” feels like but we cannot easily express it because the limbic system doesn’t simply translate those feelings into words. For more on this topic, watch Simon Sinek’s incredibly moving TED talk as he elaborates on this and much more on his work with the “WHY.”

The third major reason it’s elusive is that it’s hard to see what’s right in front of your face.

To illustrate, try a little experiment. Raise your hand about a foot away from your face and take in as many details about it as you can, the palm lines, texture, color, even how it feels. Now, move your hand towards your face so it’s almost touching. Blinding, almost overwhelming, hun?

Same thing goes for your purpose. When you are so close to it, you can’t see it.

For me, it took introspection over time facilitated by skilled coaches. The answers truly lie within but because we’re so close to it, we just need a little help teasing it out. It is possible to do it yourself but in my experience, it most cases it takes an objective witness, a good coach or an intuitive friend/colleague to see the patterns of your “WHY” emerge. When you nail it, you realize it’s been with you since the very beginning.

In the end, rest assured there’s nothing wrong with you! The missing link to deep satisfaction is knowing and living your “WHY.” You just might need a little help to find your way to it!

If you are interested in learning more about coaching options, click here.

Hello world!

November 23, 2014 By Lisa

Renaissance Leader emerges!

Jack-of-All-Trades, Master of None

November 22, 2014 By Lisa

Do you wish you could focus on just one thing — growing, developing, and mastering that one art?

I did.

I used to be envious of people who’d pick one profession and stick to it their entire career.

I longed to be like the musical prodigy, who, from the age of two, knew she was going to play in the symphony. Everything she did, every choice she made fostered the skills she needed to master her craft.

For me, it’s never been that simple.

I’ve always had many interests and passions and my career reflects it with a resume resembling a zigzag pattern — musical prodigy I am not!
It used to bug me to begin a new role with passion and zest only to gain the skills and have my interest fizzle out and start looking for something new.

I’d lose my drive and feel like there was something wrong with me — why can’t I figure this out? Why can’t I be like the musical prodigy and stick to one thing?

After some serious soul searching I realized it wasn’t mastery that I craved, because I love to expand my horizons and try new things. It would be boring as hell for me to stick to one thing.

What I really wanted was to know that my work had greater meaning and that I was on a path — building towards something bigger.

I wanted purpose and direction.

It wasn’t until I figured out why I was driven to do the work I do and took inventory of everything I had learned with each role that I was able to put the pieces together.

I realized there’s been a common thread through my career, with each job giving me skills and experience that are essential to what I’m doing right now.

When I saw the connection between my choices and roles and their relationships to the work I do now — it all made sense.

And with this a-ha moment came a new appreciation for myself. I stopped beating myself up for being a misfit.

I had been apprenticing for the role I am leading right now — my entire career!

This exploration has become a key driver for my work and I now see the importance of uncovering why we are motivated to do the things we do—because it helps us see the big picture!

When we make everyday decisions that tie back to what we truly believe in — values, principles and motivators–that’s when our lives take on greater meaning and direction and ultimately lead to greater satisfaction and appreciation for our work and ourselves.